Like interstellar cosmonauts
we sit year after year behind the windows in the cabin
and peer into a hard-frozen darkness.
The stars coldly take our measure, do not blink.
Behind the words we are always alone, droplets
which in the course of a life
advance a millimetre in crystal
or fog.
Still around the boat, still
as stars when the Earth is switched off and people's words,
fumbling thoughts and dreams are forgotten.
I place the oars in their respective locks,
lower and raise them. Listen.
The little splash of droplets in the sea
cements the stillness. Slowly, towards a different sun,
I turn the boat in the fog: Life's
thick nothingness. And row,
row.
Som interstellare kosmonauter
sitter vi år etter år bak vinduene i kabinen
og kikker på et bunnfrosset mørke.
Stjernene mønstrer oss iskaldt, blunker ikke.
Bak ordene er vi alltid alene, dråper
som i løpet av et liv
forflytter seg en millimeter i krystall
eller tåke.
Stille rundt båten, stille
som stjerner når jorda er avskrudd og menneskers ord,
famlende tanker og drømmer glemt.
Jeg legger årende i hver sin tollegang,
senker og løfter dem. Lytter.
Det vesle plasket av dråper i havet
sementerer stillheten. Sakte, mot en annen sol,
dreier jeg båten i tåka: Livets
tette ingenting. Og ror,
ror.
The "annen" of "En annen sol" can mean either "other", "different", or "second". To translate to "Another sun" might be the best way to hedge one's bets and retain something of all three senses in English, but it seems to me that the weight falls on "different" in this case, and that the more committed choice of "A different sun" better reflects the tone of the original.
The verb "kikker på" could be translated to any one of a number of variations of "look at", but the sense is not quite that of a quick action such as a "glimpse" or a "glance"; of the other possibilities, such as "gaze at", "peer into" seems to capture the poetic feeling best.
In many contexts, "bunnfrosset" can be translated to "frozen to the bone": see the second line of Or this maybe, for instance, and the accompanying note to its translation. Here, though, "hard-frozen" seems to work better, being closer to the original both rhythmically and syntactically.
The phrase "mønstrer oss" is slightly unusual, having the same root as the noun "mønster" ("pattern"): a literal rendering ("patterning us") would not really be possible in English, but the sense is that of inspection. Kari suggested "take our measure", which seems to me to be by far the closest equivalent in English semantically, and which in addition works well poetically here.
In the original, it is not exactly "coldly" but rather an adverbial form of "ice-cold" which is used. The latter, though, would be awkward to render into English, and "coldy" seems to already strongly establish the mood, whilst being close to the original rhythmically.
Most directly, "dråper" would translate to "drops", but the more fragile "droplets" seems better poetically to me here.
The verb "forflytter seg" is a little tricky to translate: the difference between it and, for example, "beveger seg" ("move") is somewhat subtle, but the emphasis with "forflytter seg" is upon movement from one place to another, whereas "beveger seg" could refer to any kind of movement (e.g. a waving around of the arms). I feel that "advance" has the same kind of sense in English, whilst its other principal meaning (of coming nearer a goal) fits well with the tone of the poem.
Much as in English with "still", "stille" could be interpreted and translated in a number of different ways: "silent", "calm", "quiet", and so on. It would seem too much of an imposition to choose any one of these: the simple translation to "still", retaining something of the sense of all of these possibilities, seems best, even if it is perhaps slightly less common in English in this context.
The adjective "stille" has two syllables, the first of which is stressed; rhythmically it thus feels more faithful to the original, if translating to "stille" to "still", to translate "rundt" to "around" rather than "round", which is equally possible semantically.
In Norwegian, "er" ("is/are") is independent of number, and thus there is no need for an equivalent of the "are" before "forgotten", but it is (strictly, at least) necessary in English. Its inclusion does not seem to affect the rhythm or weight of the line and sentence to which it belongs significantly, even though we end up with four syllables ("are forgotten") for the single syllable ("glemt") of the original; I think possibly it is the fortuitous alliteration of "fumbling" and "forgotten" which rescues the situation, drawing rhythmical focus to that first syllable of "forgotten".
The construction "i hver sin tollegang" is not one which is possible in modern English; literally it would translate to "in each its rowlock". Closest might be to translate to "in each of their (row)locks", but "tollegang" has three syllables in Norwegian, and "in their respective locks" seems much faithful to the original rhythmically, and in the weighting of the phrase; in all cases, it would seem necessary in English to employ simply "locks" rather than "rowlocks" to avoid clumsiness (the word "tollegang" in Norwegian is completely different to both "årene" ("the oars") and "å ro" ("to row"), being related rather to the more obscure English term "thole pin").
More literally, "senker" would be "sink" rather than "lower", and "løfter" would be "lift" rather than "raise"; "lower and raise" seems though to be a more natural rendering of "senker og løfter" in this context than "sink and lift".
One has a choice in English as to whether to translate "Lytter" to the simple present ("Listen") or the present continuous ("Listening"); the simple present is definitely the appropriate form for the previous sentence, though, and thus it seems correct to maintain it here.
See my translation notes for The first for a discussion of "vesle". One could certainly translate to "tiny" here, but "little" works well, and whilst "tiny" is permissible, there are other words in Norwegian which one could use if one really wished to emphasise minuteness; it thus would possibly be stretching faithfulness to the original to choose it.
I have translated "dråper" to "droplets" as opposed to "drops" principally to echo part X, where "droplets" definitely seems preferable poetically; here too, though, "droplets" does seem slightly better, rhythmically too.
See Night plane over townlet for another occurrence of the verb "sementere", though in that case as an adjective.
The last lines of the poem remind me strongly both of On the night sea (in particular, the verb "dreie" appears in both, with a similar poetic function) and of It all (in the metaphorisation of "Life" to a veil and to fog).
More literally, "ingenting" would simply be "nothing", but "nothingness" seems preferable in English both semantically and rhythmically.
For "tette", see also Yarrow. As discussed in my notes to the translation of that poem, "tette" can be translated in a number of ways, but "thick" is the natural choice in English in relation to "fog".
For how to translate "en annen sol", see my notes above on the translation of the title of the poem.
The poem is originally from a collection with the same name from 1989, which can be viewed at the Norwegian National Library's site: «En annen sol» is on pages 22-33 of both the original text and the online text.
X was translated on the 1st of October 2022. XII was translated on the 25th of June 2023.
Last updated: 01:14 (GMT+2), 26th June 2022